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We've been close companions with a woman, who has overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. However, she has been repeatedly caught off guard in relationships. Her husband walked away, and it was a massive blow. A lot of close acquaintances drifted away during that time, as they were only interested in the spouse. It shocked her. She made more effort in our friendship, probably realised more clearly the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, many of her friends have disappeared without her being knowing the cause. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, although she had been an excellent employee, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we have each left the workforce so we're spending time together, yet I realize my role in our friendship is to listen. I open discussion points but she shifts them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. I attempt to suggest factchecking and alternate views.

She is organizing a holiday abroad I have traveled to repeatedly and resided in for some time. I attempted to share personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She essentially solely sought me to confirm her decisions. I have ended four weeks there and she wants to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, yet I doubt she will ever comprehend the effect of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, I find myself in pulling back. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, however, that approach is not often the easy answer we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of resolution takes courage and willingness for each of you.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one is to state what typically happens when you talk. It should be as factual as possible like what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell her how it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no argument on this point. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. Step three is to question how you are both will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind your friend has her own side, so you need to be prepared to hear that. One effective method is to say to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's wildly effective for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

She might reject everything, since certain individuals cling to a deep-seated story: they rely on a story regarding their experiences they cannot release since their identity depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no thoroughfare in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may initially present defensively and then think your perspective. And should you never reach a fix, it provides satisfaction knowing you were honest with her.